Sunday, November 16, 2008

Catacombs (2007)

I found the plot summary for the movie on IMDb:
On her first trip to Paris, a young woman hits a party in the Catacombs, the 200-mile labyrinth of limestone tunnels under the city that's lined with the remains of 7 million people. Separated from her friends, she becomes convinced that someone or something is chasing her.

Though the ending was a surprise, this was also another waste of time movie.
Whole movie:
Sister writes to girl about coming to paris.
Girl said "My sister sent me a postcard. All it said was, "Come to Paris. It will be good for you." Forty-eight hours after I arrived, she and everyone I'd met were dead. "
Girl goes to paris, goes through customs and then meet up with sister.
Sister takes girl to her place then tells girl one fucked up story.
Girl goes to a rave with sister in the catacombs (which is so cool).
Hangs out with a bunch of random people.
Wonder off in the dark catacombs like a fucking moron.
"Killer" kills sister.
"Killer" finds girl.
Girl runs away screaming "leave me alone!"; like the "killer" is actually going to listen.
Girl continues to run away, but make loud noises so the killer can find her.
Finds someone else in the catacombs.
Follows him until he falls into the floor and breaks his leg.
Leaves him in the floor and take the map.
Runs into the "killer" again.
Runs away.
Hits "killer" with train pick thingy.
Sister is alive and laughing at girl.
Sister and friends played a joke on girl.
Sister then realized that "killer" a.k.a boyfriend is dead because girl hit him with the train pick thingy.
Sister starts spazing out calling girl a dumb bitch and such.
Girl snaps (which I would to. I mean come on what did sister expect? Girl thinks she's being chased by a killer).
Girl hits sister with train pick thingy.
Then hits sisters friends with train pick thingy killing them all.
Girl find her way out of the catacombs all covered in blood.
Gets into a cab and tells the driver "airport, please."
The End.

Yeah, complete waste of time. Oh yeah did I tell you that Pink plays in this?
Here's the movie trailer:

Here's the movie link:

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Blood Diner (1987)

Summary of the movie:
Two cannibalistic brothers, who own a health food diner, kill various young women to make their flesh part of their new special dish at their rundown restaurant while on a wacky quest to restore life to the five million year old goddess Shitaar. Aided by their uncle's brain and penis, the two set about getting the required parts - virgins, assorted body parts from whores, and the ingredients for a "blood buffet". Their adversaries are the police: the chief with a Russian accent, the "player" detective, and the new Yorker with an Australian accent.

If I must say, this is one of the coolest (and weirdest) movie I've ever seen. It's such a classic B-rated horror movie. There are brains, eyes, and a penis in a jar! That alone should tell you how crazy this movie is. It was made in the 80's, so it road the wave of cheesy horror flicks. It also reminded me of how horrible the 80's hair and clothes were.

It starts off with to brothers who are bent on bringing back Egyptian goddess Shitaar. The dig up there uncle (who was dead) and some how managed to bring his brain back to life; which they put in a jar... with a pair of eyes and the uncles penis.

The killers are two brothers. The older one is somewhat the brains of the operation. Tells his little brother what to do. And he's kind of cute... even though he's psychotic. His brother is the chef of the restaurant and helps his older brother kill women. He is also psychotic. Maybe a little more than the older brother. They killed a bunch of girls in a Ronald Regan mask and machine gun! How cool is that? The blood splatter is so cheesy. With the blood being too red to be blood. The dead bodies you can obviously tell there dummies. And when they chop off limbs, the blood squrts out like a water gun.

You still have the dumb girl who doesn't runaway when she gets the chance. But there is a girl who fights back! Finally! But of course she dies in some freak accident. And then gets chopped up.

Towards the end they finally raise Shitaar, who turns out to be a mutant freak with a venus fly trap for a stomach. Did I mention that people turn into flesh eating zombies while chowing down to some awesome music?

Honestly, though a slasher flick, I think it was a spoof to make fun of other horror flicks at that time. It's great and funny.

Here's the movie: